Things the Men of Knott Love #2: King Cobra Premium Malt Liquor

When I think "Knott Hall", there are certain words or phrases that come to mind. "Beer bong", "SYR", "Osco Brand", "Juggs", and "stomach pump" all come to mind. However, perhaps chief among them is "King Cobra Premium Malt Liquor".

I've now reached a point in my life where it costs me at least $15 to go out in the city and get a decent buzz going. Ironically, a mere three years ago this exact same feeling could be obtained for the relative pittance of $0.99 in nearby Niles, Michigan. Consider the following:

- For $1.98, you could be pretty happy and potentially pass out by 5:37 PM.

- For $2.97, you could call yourself "Logisz" and no one would question your validity until you failed to do a 62 second keg stand later in the night.

- For $3.96, you could forget your name, leave all your friends, wake up the next morning in a ditch, and have to hitchhike across a state line to get home because you didn't realize where you were.

- If you had an especially high tolerance, for $4.95 you could lose the ability to talk, come home, and piss all over the outside of your gay roomate's door without any fear of consequence.

- On the other side of the coin, for $0.33 you could get hammered off your ass, start speaking spanglish, explain how you swam across the Rio Grande to El Paso, tell a hot girl you haven't had sex "in a really long time" (i.e., never), declare your love of "frijoles", and have Fitzy rub his naked, dingleberry-laden behind all over your face before you go to bed crying.

For all these reasons and more, the Men of Knott Hall love King Cobra Premium Malt Liquor.

Cheif puts out the hate with his stream of justice